* Fire Fire ! Go Call Fire Dept.
* Cool Man ! But Dont Get Freeze
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
* Unite against togetherness!
* Reality Sucks! I’m Gonna Keep On Dreamin
* If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk right now...
* No fear! (NAME) is here!
* I Don’t Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me
* Life's a bitch. Be its pimp
* I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal!
* A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts
* Save a tree, eat a beaver
* By the time you read this, you've already read it
* Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
* Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it a hundred times
* I don't curse, drink and smoke. H*ly shit! My cigarette fell in my glass of beer!
* Dont steal, the government hates competition
* If you hate me, i love you too. It ain't my fault i'm better than you
* Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
* Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!
* The higher you are, the farther you fall
* Intelligence could be instinct which has it at the wrong end
* All good boys and girls will go to heaven thats y i wasnt invited.
* When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!
* What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!
* I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?
* Not me, not now, maybe later...
* Life's a beach... Surf it up!
* Trying is the first step towards failure
* I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
* If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
* Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but milk do?
* Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone
* I'm more drunk than a three-legged chicken on a wet patch of ice!
* When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better
* To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life's problems
* WaNnA PLaY ArMy?? ... Ok! SiT BaCk AnD i'LL BLoW ThE HeLL OuT oF YoU!
* I avoid temptation unless I can't resist it
* I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours
* Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
* Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
* When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
* Gravity always wins
* The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk
* There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise
* I'm not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings
* Buy land, they have quit making it!
* Don't judge a man by his boxers, it's what's inside that counts
* I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it
* Eat healthy, exercise more, still die
* Politicians prefer unarmed peasants
* Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
* Women/Men who seek to be equal with men/women lack ambition
* What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
* Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too..
* Opinions are like assholes... Everyone's got one, and they stink
* Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me
* Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
* If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws
* I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun
* I have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
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